Hope I don't erase this.....AGAIN!

Eulogy for Caffeine
2/6/97 jdh


trapped, confined
let motionless
within a curved
environment
no walls
just a circular
fence
the great wall
of china
empty
half-empty, half-full
over the rim
never knowing content
nothing can fill this void
hot, scalding
muddy liquid
penetrates
awakens
set the nothingness
in motion
still not enough
piercing, shattering
a cream scream
as powder
drifts like snow
through the
china wall
burnts ashes cinder
as the pseudo-snow
spirals to its death
aided by a
metal apparatus
darkness
brought by
oval being
specks of
light
only to
reveal
a diminished
supply
lower levels
wasting away
back again
to the big
empty
room
within the
great wall
of china


this is the author's first attempt at surrealism. if you get it, good. if you don't get it, well that's the whole idea! current scribblings pending...

(#$&%^$ stupid blog

Oh I could scream! I had just finished typing out my entry, I was highlighting the text to change the font color, and crap if it all didn't just disappear. Well be patient worthy readers, as soon as I calm down, I try to re-post my thoughts...blankety blank blank!

Bumper Stickers

I've come up with a new bumper sticker slogan: "Having your nose rubbed in shit is for pets who crap on the floor, not for hard working employees looking for a little respect!" I can just see all the reports on the news about tail gating and car wrecks from trying to read stickers on cars. Perhaps it's not such a hot idea after all. Those of you who have kept up with the blog now have an update on my current work situation.

In other news - Tuesday's party was awesome! My digital camera died and I only got about 5 or 6 pics, but I was in arm's length of hockey divinity all night long. I also got serenaded by six tone-deaf Canadians 'twas ever-so-magical. But seriously, I had a blast. I got to meet some of the eye candy - I mean players - and I also got to talk to head coach Doug Sauter. I met this girl named Meredith and she's as crazy as I am. All night long she kept saying, "Ooh cut me off a piece of that!" To which I replied, "Hell just give me the whole thing." And the best part is...I didn't make a fool out of myself. I talked with the guys without drooling, stuttering, sighing, or playing the blinky-eyelash-game like the 'arena trash' girls do. They know that I'm real.

I've been browsing other blogs recently just to get some inspiration and ideas for writing. I came across alot of poets and authors. I should start posting my poetic thoughts. I'm just afraid of copyright infringement and stuff like that. I don't want someone stealing my words, my thoughts, or my soul and getting praise for what I've done (hey, I already deal with that kind of shit at work. I don't need it from my blog family too, ya know what I mean?) Anywho poetry to come in the near future. I may dig in the archive and then after the new year write something fresh.

Love to all and remember if you don't hear bones crunching, the body check was null and void. Ooh, another good idea for a bumper sticker!!!

The rabbit is lucky after all....

That's the best part about going to Chinese restaurants -- reading the Chinese zodiac again! It's funny because I usually go with my mom and she's also a rabbit, and yet we're completely different, but that's a good thing otherwise I'd have to kill myself.

But seriously my lucky rabbit year/sign is 24 hours away from paying off. After scrimping, saving, and working myself sick with a second job, I was able to purchase the thing I most wanted -- season hockey tickets for the OKC Blazers. (hopefully I'll be at the plexiglass next year). Tomorrow night is the ticket holder Christmas party and the players will be there! As an added celebration I will be unveiling my Christmas present from-me-to-me....I got my digital camera out of lay-a-away finally. So I'll be going home and reading the manual before tomorrow night. I'll probably also be spending some time on the phone with my Mary Kay consultant asking her what to wear. JOKE! I'm thinking jeans, t-shirt, and my 'bah humbug' hat. Won't I be the life of the party!

In other news -- yesterday I attended church for the first time in two weeks. It was a great worship experience. I kept apologizing to God for being a hockey heathen instead of a pew dweller. Oh yeah, the sermon was pretty good, too. Have I mentioned that I'm not related to anyone there? That's the best part, well, it's a perk anyways.

I love rambling on this site, but I must be going. Semper Fidelis, Semper Expertis to my nephew Joe and his MEU! Hugs to Tristan and Michelle!

Help! Help! I'm being repressed!

I thought I'd grab your attention with a little Monty Python. And if I may be allowed to paraphrase the line....."Help! Help! I'm being suffocated!"

Anywho so here I am again, working on yet another Sunday, heck I even had to work over the holiday as well. Even though it is a pay check and I'll time-and-a-half for holiday pay, I'm not thankful. Right now I'm listening to S&M by Metallica and the work is going rather quickly. Thus I'm taking this break to blog for the first time in well over a week.

I have to take the magnetic poetry board back home. Apparently several co-workers and various other hospital employees have complained about what I write. So I got called into the boss' office and was given a referral for psych counseling. Apparently what is so disturbing to everyone is that my writings tend to be dark, depressing, angry, futile, etc. So I tell the boss, "I don't need counseling. That's why I write. It's my outlet because I don't know any other way to express anger, sadness, depression, fleeting suicidal ideation." (those of you that know me best, realize I would never do anything to harm myself...I mean that's the ultimate sin, right?) So I strike back and write a clever little fall poem about changing leaves colors and trees and a bunch of sick stuff. As an added touch I even made it rhyme (totally against my poetic justice beliefs). But anywho....not a damn word from anyone about how clever or cute is was. Thank God I didn't write a hard copy for future generations to treasure. Stuff like this makes me furious, and makes me put pencil to paper, or magnets to the board, whatever. If I had something to fall back on, I'd probably be writing my resignation right now.

So back to the beginning. Help, I'm being suffocated! It's a never ending cycle. It's the chronic condition that I lovingly call "8-Mile Syndrome." B-Rabbit found his respect, self value, and his escape...perhaps I can, too. I suppose that's my main reason for liking that movie....well, Eminem does look hot, and that helps

I guess I've taken up enough company time in goofing off. I'm back to work now.

Who needs a title?

What are you supposed to do when you have no respect for your boss? More importantly what do you do when the boss doesn't respect you, doesn't listen to your concerns and ideas, and often forgets that you even exist? My Dad says I should quit (he also said a bunch of other stuff...use your imagination). Well, if I had any prospects or something to fall back on, I'd hand in my resignation in a moment. You know, the resignation I've had written out ever since I took this blankety-blank-blank job. I often feel like calling my friend in Los Angeles and cashing in on our suicide pact. Don't worry. It's not for real, it's just a psycho-bizarre coping mechanism.

I feel that I'm never allowed to take pride in my work anymore -- and that just does wonders for my already non-existent self esteem. Moral of the story -- never work for a not-for-profit Catholic affiliated hospital. Just kidding. Many apologies to those who practice Catholicism.

Not to get off the subject, but one of these days I'll get my home computer fixed (beware of DSL frying your modem) and I'll be able to blog on a regular basis. I'll keep you posted on the work events, but now I must go home, dry, eat ice cream, and watch Smallville.

This is for you, Michelle

Hooray, I'm blogging....is that really a word?!? First let me say that I know US relations with the French are currently questionable, but please rest assured that "le bijou" is just my nickname. Anywho here's the latest...

I took my sister Cheryl to her first hockey game on Veteran's Day. My team lost but we had a blast. Got pictures of the team, the beer guy, and even learned something about goal tending from a group of pre-teen little leaguers. Pregame festivities consisted of hot potatoes, cold beer, and the candied-peanut guy saying (in the worst Okie accent ever) "Semper Fidelis." Spelled out phonetically that would be "simpurr fyedelluss." Oh my Lord I wanted to keep walking, but Cheryl and I detoured and talked to the man. I was wearing my USMC sweatshirt in support of my nephew. It was a great night. I even told Cheryl about how Michelle introduced me to nearly every single security guard at the Ford Center when I took her to a game a few seasons ago.

So what do ya think Michelle? Am I blog material yet?